Coping With You: Rock My Boat
by Delightfully Eccentric
Summary: Josh ponders his dalliance with CJ. How long d'you think he's going to be able to keep his mind out of the gutter? Second in the series.


Rock My Boat  
  
Disclaimer/Acknowledgements: La la la, TWW isn't mine, nor is "Flowers" (again by Wendy Cope and from "Serious Concerns") which I borrow from.  
  
Summary:Â  Josh's thoughts get in a bit of a tangle.Â  Who could possibly unravel his twisted mind?  
  
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Dating CJ Cregg.Â  Colour me purple.Â  With shock, that is.  
  
Who'd have thought it?Â  Not me, that's for sure.Â  And not Mandy either, ha ha ha ha.  
  
Revenge is sweet... but CJ is sweeter.  
  
Erk!Â  Did I just say that?Â  Whoa there, boy, we don't want to get carried away with ourselves now.Â   
  
It's complicated enough when we get carried away with other people.Â   
  
The latter can be kinda fun though.  
  
That's it, I'm putting on my serious face now.Â  You know, the one that says, "I have a very important job and it distracts me from thinking about sex at least every six seconds."Â   
  
Actually, that's kind of depressing.  
  
Okay, I have a very long and detailed report about homosexuality in the armed forces to squirm over and I'm going to do it right now.Â  That should definitely stop me thinking about sex for a while.  
  
I pick up a pen to make notes and I realise it's the same one I got from her when I dropped by her office earlier, "Cause, uh, Donna withholds stationery from me..."  
  
I open a drawer to reveal the stack of perfectly sharpened pencils I created a few nights ago when she was with the President in Canada.Â   
  
Hey, it's not that weird, Toby probably does that kind of thing for fun.  
  
I hoped I might be able to occupy my mind with something nice and bland and non-sexual.Â  Way safer than going home to my Esquires and Penthouses when my woman's out of town.Â   
  
Then Sam, who was actually in the office that late to work rather than because he couldn't get laid and had nothing better to do, made a crack about phallic symbolism and I was back at square one.  
  
Maybe I should go and return the pen, say the Indian ink drought is over.  
  
At what stage does this stop being cute and start getting annoying?  
  
Hang on, why do I care?Â  The better part of my life since we joined the campaign has been spent trying to annoy her.Â  And succeeding, I might add.Â  Oh yeah, I'm a skilled and savvy operator when it comes to pissing women off.  
  
Uh, wait, that didn't come out as impressive as it really should have.  
  
I wonder if I've just imagined everything that's happened between us.Â  To be honest, that sounds a lot more plausible than any of it actually happening.  
  
I'm not sure how I feel about that.Â  I mean, dating CJ Cregg?Â  That's not normal.  
  
Not that I'm saying a guy'd have to be abnormal - she's perfectly attractive and all, but she's one of the guys - not that she's not feminine... aw, hell, I don't know what I mean.  
  
In any case, the story of how we got together would not be a great one for the grandchildren.Â   
  
Did I say grandchildren?Â  I'm fairly sure I did not, after all, mention grandchildren.Â  In fact, could we scratch the mention of the possibility of mentioning grandchildren from the record?  
  
Moving swiftly on...Â  God dammit, I cannot think of one single thing to say now.Â  This woman is a she-devil!Â   
  
She's certainly a demon in the sack.  
  
Shit.Â  Well, that was at least a few seconds, right? I'm not doing so badly.  
  
I never thought about sex this much all those months when I wasn't getting any.Â  I just thought about Mandy.  
  
That's pretty pathetic, huh?Â  She wasn't worth it, I'll tell you that for nothing.  
  
CJ's nothing like Mandy.Â  She's a lady, whereas Mandy's just a man with PMS.Â  All month.  
  
I'm just not sure about the math.Â  We're great friends and we're having a lot of great sex.Â  Sounds perfect, doesn't it?Â  I'm just not sure that adds up to being a good couple.  
  
I'm having trouble reconciling my mental image of me with my mental image of CJ.  
  
On the other hand I have absolutely no trouble at all reconciling my image of CJ with my image of sex.Â   
  
That does it, she's getting her pen back, whether she wants it or not.Â Â Â   
  
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Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *  
  
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She bruised me.Â  God dammit!Â  The woman I'm sleeping with just bruised me.Â  And not in a fun kinda way.Â  What kind of a man am I?  
  
'No groping at work' - what kind of a rule is that?!  
  
I wonder if this is normal behaviour or if it's a sign she's regretting what's been going on between us.  
  
I don't know what to think.Â  I've never had sex with a friend before.Â   
  
It's not like I can tell her I love her or anything.Â  I mean, me dating CJ?Â  Weird enough, let me tell you.Â  Being in love is a different thing altogether.Â  We are totally at nothing like that stage yet.  
  
Part of what's putting me off is that I can't really visualise us getting to that stage.Â  I mean, CJ and me, the happy couple?Â  Can you picture it?Â  Me neither.  
  
A few days ago I thought about buying her flowers.Â  I told her that when I followed her to the ladies' room for a quick feel.Â  I pointed out that most men would never have thought of it but I did.Â  I explained I nearly brought her flowers but something had gone wrong.  
  
I had doubts.Â  First of all, I thought she'd hit me for attracting attention to her at work.Â  It wouldn't have been long before the girls had a pool started on who'd sent them.  
  
Then there were that other kind of doubts, the kind my mind's been dreaming up incessantly since I started seeing her.Â  I thought she might not want my flowers.  
  
It made her smile and hug me then.Â  She was still smiling while she was bruising me a minute ago, though whether that's because she's a sadist or because she appreciated my ungiven gesture is open to interpretation.Â   
  
In any case, the flowers I nearly brought seem to have lasted a long while.  
  
Maybe I should get some rose petals to spread on her bed.  
  
Damn!Â  I was really doing well there.Â  I'm going to use the stopclock on my watch this time.Â  I can afford a really cool watch now that I have a career; it has a ton of features...Â   
  
Wait a minute.Â  Thinking about the features on my watch is no better than thinking about sex.Â  I don't think women would find it preferable.Â  I know one who wouldn't anyway.  
  
Oh shit!Â  Now this obsession is starting to get me into trouble!Â  I had a meeting with Toby five minutes ago.Â  Aw man, he's gonna hurt me...  
  
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Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *  
  
  
  
I'm standing in Toby's office rubbing the back of my knee with my foot.Â   
  
We just finished talking (him yelling, me saying sorry and then agreeing with everything he had to say in relation to the report I haven't read yet) like ten seconds ago and already he seems to be immersed in something new.Â   
  
I wish I could concentrate on my work like he does.  
  
"Josh, do you have a work-related problem?"  
  
"No."  
  
"So you're still here why?"  
  
"I'm not; I'm gone."  
  
"Go then."  
  
"Toby?"  
  
"You forgot where the door is?"  
  
"I have a sex-related problem."  
  
Again, words not coming out the way I intended.  
  
"What possible reason could you conceive of for me wanting to hear this?"  
  
"I mean, I have a problem with a woman."  
  
"Well, I'm very happy to know it's not your hand that's proving problematic.Â  Please leave now."  
  
"Toby, I need your advice."  
  
Did I just do that?Â  Did I just ask Toby for advice?Â  Why would I do that?Â  Jesus, this woman is messing with my head.  
  
"I'm seeing this woman and I like her a lot but I'm not sure we should pursue a romantic relationship."  
  
And yet I can't seem to stop myself.  
  
Until this point he's stayed focused on his work but now he's staring at me, probably calculating which tactic will get rid of me quickest.  
  
"Is she a call girl?"  
  
Ew.Â  Too embarrassing.  
  
"No."  
  
"Is she a reporter?"  
  
Ew.Â  Too ruthless.  
  
"Is she Donna?"  
  
Ew.Â  Too...Â  Donna?  
  
"No!"  
  
"Then do whatever the hell you like."  
  
Bet he wouldn't say that if he knew who we're talking about.  
  
"I'm not sure it's a good idea."  
  
"So break up with her.Â  Did they recently add this to the rocket science class syllabus?"  
  
"I don't want to..."  
  
Hey!Â  I don't want to break up with her - what does that mean?  
  
Well, for a start it means I'm getting some tonight and that's good enough for me.  
  
"Thanks, Toby, you've really helped!"Â   
  
I can hear his sigh of relief as I close the door.  
  
  
  
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *  
  
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I'm glad Toby didn't figure out who I was talking about.Â  I've noticed the other guys acting kind of weird when they catch me looking at CJ.Â  Leo gave me a really fearsome glare the other day.Â   
  
Sam came right out and asked me once if I had designs on her.Â  He seemed pretty worked up about it.Â  I still don't really know what that was all about.Â  I guess they feel protective towards her; view her as a sister or something.  
  
They say politics is a man's world but I'd say CJ pretty well has the mastery of it.  
  
I suppose that's it.Â  They don't think of her as an attractive, eligible woman.Â  Maybe not everyone's type, but she rocks my boat all right.  
  
Oh yeah, baby, turn my head and tickle my fancy and light my fire and rock this boat till the oars fall right down deep into the river...  
  
Um.Â  Oops.Â  My apologies for getting carried away again.  
  
I wonder if Donna knows what I'm thinking about.Â  I mean, I know she knows what I'm thinking about, she knows me too well, what I wonder is if she knows who I'm thinking about it in relation to.Â  I've never been great at hiding things from her.  
  
Nobody's supposed to know yet, you see.Â  We didn't plan on having a secret romance, but waking up with a blinding hangover in bed with a colleague isn't something you really want to share.  
  
After that there seemed to be no reason to spread the word as we had no intention of repeating the experience.  
  
Yeah, right.  
  
A woman should know better than to sleep with a man if she doesn't want his attitude towards her to change.  
  
By which I don't mean that I lost respect for her.Â  I reserve the utmost respect for anyone who can make a person as manly as me scream like a girl.  
  
What I mean is that after that night there was no way I was going to be able to disassociate CJ with sweet loving in my mind.  
  
Which is why I waited on the steps of her building a few days later when I'd fully recovered from the effects of the hangover.Â  Oh, okay, so it was about a week.Â   
  
I was armed with chocolates - to prove I didn't think she was fat - and some extra work - to show how worthy I find her in her traditionally masculine workplace.Â  What can I say?Â  I know my way around the fairer sex.  
  
It would have been more effective if she hadn't been waiting for me at the restaurant where we'd agreed to meet to discuss what had happened.  
  
So I forgot.Â  I'm a very important man, okay?  
  
I yell at Donna to find out who invented cell phones.Â  The guy may just have saved my sex life.Â   
  
That's without even counting the fact that mine vibrates.  
  
I grovelled all the way to the restaurant and, spurred on by threats to my manhood, I made it before the reservation expired.  
  
She'd already ordered for me - rabbit food, like she knows I hate.Â  She was pretty pissed.  
  
But she got over it.Â   
  
I shake my head.Â  It's not appropriate to have these thoughts here.Â  There are unmarried women in the next room.  
  
Personally I am perfectly happy with keeping it quiet. Â Going public, saying, 'We're Josh and CJ - an entity' seems like such a commitment.Â   
  
I mean, commitment is a big long word with a lot of letters.Â  One, two, thr- Â  Well, there are several anyway.Â  Personally, I have always found words with more than one syllable to be highly intimidating.  
  
For me getting involved with women usually involves intimidation.  
  
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Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *Â Â Â Â  *  
  
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Mandy and I were drunk the first time we did it too.Â  Well, she was, me actually not so much.  
  
Hey, don't be so sceptical!Â  I didn't want to drink much that night, I just wanted to watch her.  
  
Yep, that's infatuation for you, boys.Â  I passed up a minibar on the government's tab just to see how elegantly the whisky slipped down her throat.  
  
You could say I took advantage of her that night.Â  I won't deny it - but in my defence I will say that there were many, many times before and since that she took advantage of how much in love with her I was.  
  
I don't think I'll ever love CJ that way.Â  Like, there was this one time Mandy and I had broken up, she told me if I wanted to make it up to her I had to give a speech at a party fundraiser in support of one of her pet issues.  
  
Everyone who ever met us knew that Madeline Hampton and I had opposing views on just about every issue known to man.Â  Her pet issues were mine too - only I was on the other side of the fence.  
  
But I did it.Â  I did it and felt almost as ashamed of myself as I did when I ran out of the burning house and realised I'd left my sister to die.Â  I did it and when I was finished I went straight to Mandy and begged her again to take me back.Â  She did and I thought it had been worth it.Â  Until the next time.  
  
I would never do that for CJ.Â  But then - and I'm just realising this now - CJ would never ask me to.  
  
Whoa, having an epiphany here folks - maybe it's a good thing that I don't love CJ the way I loved Mandy. Â Maybe what I feel for CJ is better.  
  
All that time I thought I couldn't love CJ because she's my friend and Mandy never was.  
  
Everything's clicking into place now.Â  I have a lot of unresolved issues, even I can see that.  
  
But when I think about it...Â  If Mandy walked through that door right now and asked me to leave CJ and take her back, I wouldn't do it.Â  A month ago I'd have jumped in front of a freight train for her.  
  
My heart's beating faster since I realised that.  
  
She's some woman, that CJ Cregg.  
  
And I'm going to go straight to her office now and throw an arm around her waist and pull her close and give herÂ  a great big kiss with no ulterior motive whatsoever and the hell with whoever sees.  
  
I have a girlfriend, in every sense of the word.  
  
And I haven't thought about sex in at least the last sixty seconds.  
  
Â   
  
THE END 


End file.
